My friends are mortified. “Jane, you are not going to write about this in the paper, are you?”

“Yes I am. I just can’t help it.” I said. “Everyone, demo-graphically speaking has had one and they tell you about it. Just say the word and they will share their experience.”

What is the word? The dreaded colonoscopy.
I plunged/drank myself into the experience we should all heed if one cares about maintaining good health.

God bless Tommy Stone when he handed me the massive plastic jug with four flavored packets. The first thing I thought of was how nice to have this plastic jug for watering my plants. Then I asked the question, “Tommy which flavor is the best?” Tommy wisely answered, “The flavor you kinda like. Don’t use the flavor you really like since after drinking the four liter jug you will hate the sight, smell and taste of that flavor forever.” I thought how great if the “flavor people” could come up with a flavor called, Chocolate Delight or Little Debbie Nutter Butter.

Four o’clock. The day before. The process begins. Six o’clock, the drinking process continues. I learned that Tommy was right and the best way to stomach the drink was to chase it with lime jello. I do not know if there is any significance to this but nothing happened until the phone rang. It was Michele Satcher. She said in her cheerful way, “How’s IT going?” Then IT happened. For some strange reason, I was most appreciative. So for help in getting things going, call 1-800-MICHELE.

The next morning we checked into the Center and I noticed the first visual when we walked into the building were restrooms. Smart.

I got “tagged” and Thomas and I were waiting patiently as the folks flocked in. All was well until a very loud, overly excited woman ran in and said, “Mary gone back yet? She didn’t cancel again, did she?” The woman continued, “Oh, Lawd. I told her not to worry but ever since her cousin passed she did not want to have it done.” As we say in the speaking business, some people just don’t know their audience.

JANE HERLONG. My turn. Thomas said. “Have fun.”
The doctor was very nice. Then it was my turn to chat with the anesthesiologist. He was from Peru and had the thickest accent I have every heard. Not until I heard him interview the third person did I realize what the questions were he asked me. The anesthesiologist reminded me of that episode of Seinfeld with the Soup Nazi. “YOU SMOKE?” YOU HAVE DENTURES? YOU PREGNANT? NO ANESTHESIA FOR YOU!

I entertained myself by listening to my curtain mates. The woman on my right had taken a Valium and the woman on my left took Paxil. Like their colon decided to keep those pills and get rid of everything else.

I woke up and tried to take in the results. I was so drowsy as the doctor talked with me and Thomas. My mind tried to relate to what he was saying and all I could think of was the Luge track at the Olympics.

The day ended (no play on words) with a gold medal finish. Thomas took me to IHOP and I ordered their Golden Breakfast. Hopefully, this experience will not be like the Luge competition and require the best out of two.

Ten Tasks for a Healthy 2010
By
Jane Jenkins Herlong

My sister, Carol Hardman, died unexpectedly on December 20, 2009. My heart is heavy for her husband and three children. To bury my mother and sister in a period of five months is surreal. My prayer is that my family will live in peace, and my sister will rest in peace.
What I am sharing in this article is heartfelt from personal experience of how to live in peace regardless of circumstances. To be totally honest, I am still a work in progress.
1. Forgive.
It does not matter what you story is. Don’t allow yourself to live in a spirit of unforgiveness. The acid destroys the container quicker that it will touch the person who has wronged you.
2. Grieve Well.
There is a difference between healthy grief and unhealthy grief. I saw my grandmother grieve over my grandfather for years and years. My grandmother chose to live in a spirit of grief, which is not healthy. Whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one, job, or your home, do not be consumed with a spirit of grief.

3. Serve Others.
In the past two weeks our small church, Harmony United Methodist, has been affected by seven deaths. I have tried to focus my thoughts on comforting these families rather then my own grief. Make your pain someone else’s gain.

4. Walk in Love
As I look back on my 2009, the most powerful thing we can do in order to rest our heads at night is to walk in a spirit in love.

5. Manage Your Emotions
The mark of a truly mature person is to harness your emotions regardless of how you feel. Our feelings are fickle and will play tricks on us. Un-harnessed emotions make us say and do things we regret. My mother always said, “Words never spoken are words never regretted.”

6. Speak the Truth in Love
Many people enjoy “grand-standing” while others act out in ungodly ways. As Christians, we should prayerfully ask the Lord to quicken out hearts if we are to confront. Sadly, more people enjoy watching and gossiping about others’ behavior in order to lessen their own troubles. My husband, Thomas has wisely said, “Anyone is entitled to his or her opinion but no one is entitled to distort the facts.”

7. Confront the Source
There is a story about a village in a remote section of Africa. Many of the villagers became extremely sick and died. The source of the sickness came from the water that ran into the village from the top of the mountain. For several days, a group of villagers hiked to the top of the mountain to discover a wild boar had died in the stream contaminating the water supply. This was the source of the poison that destroyed many lives. When poison is spewed from the mouth, instead of talking and spreading the venom, approach the source. Cowards cower in darkness.

8. Accept Unanswered Answers
One of the wisest comments I ever heard was made by a friend of mine commenting on problems in life. He simply said, “Sometimes there are no answers. Believe me, this statement will save you thousands of dollars in therapy.”

9. Let God Be your Vindicator
Many times your best defense is silence. In the complex world we live in, the only true vindication comes from the hand of God. Let him be your quarterback.

10. The Mystery
This is the most powerful principle of them all. This is the most difficult of all the tasks. Yet, it is simple in verbiage …….The choice is yours; it is all up to you.